America’s Worst Airports

This retro-painted jet reminds of the way things were

For all of those poor souls stranded due to weather, I have assembled a list of America’s worst airports.  I haven’t been to every airport (EAU, FAT, & GGG come to mind), but I think this is a pretty accurate list of the Top 5 worst airports in America.

5)  The airport where your bag has been lost.
4)  LaGuardia Airport (that one’s pretty obvious)
3)  The airport where your flight is delayed by 4 hours.
2)  Miami International Airport (unless you are in the new American Airlines terminal)
1)  The airport where you are stranded overnight.  (Especially if the wifi is broken, the floor is sticky, and some dude is staring at you).

Bottom line:  the “worst airport” is entirely variable.  I read the worst airport lists just like everyone else, but have we forgotten how far airports (even the crappy ones) have come?  Even the really bad American airports today are even better than some of the best airports just two decades ago.  Except for weather (EWR, BOS, ORD) and cramped terminals (MDW, PHL, LGA), the improvements are unbelievable.  (Except for the time this December when the airports ran out of food, but that was Mother Nature’s fault.)

Remember, when you would rather use a clothespin than urinate at ATL?  Remember when your airport dining choices were:  SNACK BAR [sic].  At that snack bar, items included reheated sandwich, soggy sandwich, and wilty salad.  With a side of chips.  Remember when there was no wi-fi, free or otherwise, and you had to entertain yourself with that book of crossword puzzles instead of Angry Birds?  Remember waiting in line for payphones to call home to tell them you were late, then running out of coins.  And the gift shop was already closed, so you couldn’t get more.

We have come a long way, baby.  I wish you a happy journey home, even if it includes a twelve hour delay in CLT, EWR, or MEM.  It could be worse.  Just ask your mother.  She’ll remember.

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